Elephant jokes

A friend got me started on elephant jokes today, so here are a few favorites from my own memory and around the web. Enjoy!

Q. How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A. With a blue elephant gun.
Q. How do you shoot a red elephant?
A. Choke him until he turns blue and use a blue elephant gun.
Q. How do you shoot a green elephant?
A. Tell a dirty joke so he’ll blush red, then choke him until he’s blue, then use a blue elephant gun.
Q. How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A. There aren’t any yellow elephants, silly!

Q. How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
A. You open the fridge, insert the elephant, then close the fridge.
Q. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
A. You open the fridge, remove the elephant, insert the giraffe, then close the fridge.
Q. If the king of the jungle, the lion, decides to call a meeting and all the animals but one show up, who isn’t there?
A. The giraffe, of course. He’s still stuck in the fridge.
Q. How do you cross the nile?
A. Just swim across. All the crocodiles are at the meeting.
Q. Why do elephants wear tennis shoes with yellow soles?
A. So you won’t see them floating upside-down in bowls of custard. (Have you ever seen an elephant in a bowl of custard?)1
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.
Q: What do you call an elephant on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: His bike is parked outside.
Q. Why do ducks have flat feet?
A. To stamp out forest fires.
Q. Why do elephants have flat feet?
A. To stamp out flaming ducks.
Q. How do you catch a white elephant?
A. Go to a place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin with raisins. Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin with raisins in front of it. The white elephant will be happy and eat the muffin with raisins. White elephants like muffins with raisins. Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will become accustomed to its daily muffin with raisins. The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin without raisins. Drop the muffin without raisins as usual. When the white elephant finds out that the muffin lacks rasins, he will darken with anger. It’s precisely at this moment when you catch him the same way you catch an ordinary gray elephant.

Feel free to post additional elephant jokes in the comments. Cheers! 

  1. Elephants also paint their toenails red to hide in cherry trees and wear tiny green hats to sneak across pool tables. []

3 thoughts on “Elephant jokes

  1. Q. How do you shoot a gray elephant?
    A. You don’t, that’s illegal.

    Q. How many elephants does it take to make an elephant?
    A. Two. Why? Because I saw it on National Geographic.

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